Communicating With Men

Communicating With Men:

Ships Passing or

Nuclear Fallout

Are men and women different? Absolutely. Our differences are what make it possible to find love or have a quick romp in the bushes. However, these differences can also cause a 3 round fight over nothing. Men and women communicate differently on some very fundamental levels. Trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong, is a waste of time. We need to look at the factors that cause communication meltdowns in order to stop them from happening.

One of The Guys was given a mind blowing, life-changing piece of advice a few years back. He was told that women need men to be empathetic and to join in a woman’s feelings during communication. He was subsequently told that instead of doing this, men tend to jump in and try and problem solve solutions rather than join in the anger, sadness, or whatever emotion is on the table. It was as if he saw Moses part the sea or Tom Cruise land on earth with the aliens. So we are going to try help you navigate some of the typical communication pitfalls that you probably experience with guys all the time.

Starting real early in life the wires get crossed; boys are taught to go break toys and get in fights and girls are taught to play cooperatively with each other in their Sunday dress. So after this, we are essentially screwed (no pun intended, but it’s there if you look). We need to always remember that the playing field is full of landmines that are not going away. We just need to learn to avoid them.

It’s important to keep in mind that men are usually, typically, generally, OK always, engaged in a pissing contest. Men communicate 99% of the time with the goal of establishing and maintaining dominance. This is not done maliciously, we were taught to do this. Whether during sports, fighting, breaking toys, or dating EVERYTHING guys are taught is about who can piss the farthest. Women on the other hand tend to be more egalitarian, or rule by consensus. Both have ups and downs to them.

Now that we have painted a picture of the battlefield and why it is so bloody, let’s look at some tips:

Don’t force him to talk things out immediately. If he needs time give it to him. Emotions can run high, let them cool down. Men do not use emotions in the same way as women.

Pick your battles. By giving in on a battle today it will save some of your soldiers for something that is truly important to you in the future.

Say what’s on your mind, but not everything all the time. Again, men don’t tend to process or utilize emotion in the same way as women. Your BFF may love to hear every nuance of the frustration you have with your guy, but he doesn’t. Remember he is constantly in a pissing contest. If he feels blind sided or attacked he will go into Tonka trunk mode and you won’t get him back.

Don’t generalize. Saying things like “you always” and “you never” will just set him on the defense and lead you down a road to no where.

Now ladies, some of you are reading this and getting mad. If that is your case, then you need to go out in the yard, break a Tonka truck and read the article again. Obviously, there are about 1000 things guys need to do to have better communication with women. If your guy needs some tips, just tell him to set up a tea party then read this article in reverse. It should work.

-The Guys

Communicating With Men:

Ships Passing or

Nuclear Fallout

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