Michael Jackson: Celebrity Self Help
Michael Jackson:
Celebrity Self Help
Some say Michael is a musical prodigy who changed pop music forever. Some say he is a generous philanthropist. Some say he is a Play Doe faced lunatic and child molester. Well, we can all agree that along with talent, he has some very serious, deep seeded issues that have severally damaged his life and made him look like a science experiment gone bad. As always during Celebrity Self Help, we will put our own special spin on giving some advice to one of our favorite celebrities gone koo-koo. In order to help him, we will need to look deep into the past of this living Jacko lantern.
Michael was born with many blessings; looks, talent, charisma etc. However, his childhood was a mess. When his daddy wasn’t making him practice or sing songs, he was using Michaels head as a punching bag. We know enough about Michael’s childhood from TV movies, books and interviews to know that things were totally screwed up for young Jacko. This obviously became the underlying root to the insanity that would play out in the tabloids like a mix between To Catch a Predator and the local carnival.
Sometime in the early 80’s Jackson started down the road to plastic surgery hell. His addiction to plastic surgery would become stronger than Lindsay Lohan’s thirst for cocaine and knives. Most could deal with his claymation appearance, but left Michael for good when the allegations that he molested children surfaced. Sorry guy, but no one likes scary child rapists (imagine that). Although it was never proven that Michael Pumpkin Face Jackson actually committed the crimes, his career was done. We will still try to help you Jacko, come on over to the Solution for some help.
Michael Jackson: Celebrity Self Help/Solution
Step one move far away. This is actually already done. Good job MJ! Many people knocked him for moving to the Middle East to escape fans, cameras and pressure. We think this was one of the best things he could have done for himself. We don’t advocate running away from problems, but Jackson’s trouble could not get much worse and was not going away. Further more he needed some time to cool down and get some help that didn’t include surgeons or McOlly Culkin.
Get real help! We are talking about Psychiatrists, Psychologists, MDs and maybe a Voodoo doctor. Unfortunately, all the times MJ ran to the plastic surgeon or little boy down the street for help, he was only making his issues worse and more profound. We don’t know what type of professional Psychiatric care that Michael has received, if any. Whatever therapy or help he has received does not seem to have helped at all. He should get his money back.
Stay away from children! Enough said. Get a shock collar, moat or electric fence to keep you away from youngsters. We aren’t buying the “sleep over” defense, you sicko. If we had millions of dollars and tons of fame, we would be having “sleep overs” with the Olson twins, Carmen Electra, Halley Barry, the blonde chick from Facts of Life, hell maybe even on a bad night Scott Baio, but not children.
